remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
