At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
