Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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