I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
