And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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