I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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