Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
