Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
