i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
