Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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