Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
