It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
