I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
