What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
