Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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