It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
honey bunches of taint.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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