So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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