I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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