What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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