nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
