His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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