Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
