I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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