I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
