Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
one two three fourrrrnication!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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