let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is my gift to your gina
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He shit in the fireplace
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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