areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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