I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
