I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
