What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
