checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
