I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
