my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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