You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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