I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
