If i come over, it means nothing
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
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i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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