That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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