Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I could fuck to npr.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
