No stitches, just platelets and will power
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
