So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
