I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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