all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
