You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
