What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
