Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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