She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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