You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
