My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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