Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
