It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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