Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The Olympian is in my bed
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