i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
