It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
