Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
