exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
