I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
