The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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