Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
birth control should be required to get into college
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
