She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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