I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
