Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
