me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
